Uni5 Aproach for Assisting Children at home and school - 1
Sakthi Foundation
How to assist my child?
[Various questions about child, parents, teachers of various age groups across the globe]
- What is the appropriate age to start art, music or dance class for a child?
Human child must be exposed to any kind of art form from pregnancy or after pregnancy till the age of 3 so that the powerful absorbent mind will imbibe the pattern of the art form and create a natural sense of attraction to know that.
Till the age of 6 the home situation must expose the art forms to the child through media.
Example: If you want your child to learn South Indian music please if you know try to at least sing or just play the audio or TV in which the art gets into the child.
But do not expect the child will sit with you or media and listen. But the impact is being imbibed indirectly. 1-6 years is the age of indirect learning.
Then we can observe the child's expressions for that art.
We can ask the child whether he \ she want to learn.
But do not stress the child.
By 4 years slowly child can be send to music class where bajans, little easy lessons are taught.
The modern teachers must teach many things to the child just not alone the grammar.
Same way with instruments.
See the child's development and do not push the child.
By 6 they can go for dance, instruments etc.
By 7 ask whether they are ok with the classes, timings, homework, tests, Sundays etc.
Many children have said that they does not have their own relaxing or resting time on Sundays.
Do not dump with sessions.
Let the child focus with one art or maximum 2 based on liking.
The home situation must keep on giving the environment exposing that art form to the child in some way or other.
Do not compare the child with other child in the phase of learning.
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- Good evening to you, Dr. Madesh,
I am Ms.x [name changed] from Johor Bahru, Malaysia). I attended your Successful Parenting in Johor Bahru last month on the 27th. Sir, I am expecting my 3rd child now as I am 6 weeks pregnant. I need your advice on everything I should know, do and eat for the healthy growth of my child.
I have to tell you that we lost our 2nd child last year. She was only 5 months then. She had a heart problem since birth. Three weeks after surgery, she passed away. We are so devastated. Some said I was the reason for my daughter to be born with a heart problem. I have no clue what mistake did I commit for my daughter to be born in such way. The gynecologist we had our routine checkups also didn't mention anything to us about any abnormality in her heart when she was still in the womb. So, seriously I don't know where is the real problem or perhaps it's our karma and that too I don't know. To be frank, sir, I am quite phobia to get pregnant again...I am afraid if the other child will be born with the same ailment. But, my eldest son is healthy and perfect. We are trying to move on and try to get another baby as a partner for my son. He keeps asking for his little sister, almost every day.
With God's grace we get to know you, sir. I will be very glad if you could advise me on how to be caution and all from the food I eat and everything. I want a healthy child...
TIPS FOR A GOOD PREGNANCY AND GOOD CHILD
1. From 3rd week ears are formed and the fetus starts imbibing all sound patterns. So give much importance to a good, useful, correct language.
2. Any type of unwanted negative thought is like a terrorist who can enter into child's absorbent mind in pregnancy.
3. Create more positive thoughts and signals about the child.
4. Spiritual thinking especially chanting of any one God's name will erase the previous birth's negative thoughts of the pregnancy.
5. Focus in more hand work, relaxed walking by observing your breathing, craft and art work, good music, good reading, creative writing, pattern based work like - kolam, stitching, knitting, bead work, good cooking, designing, careful gardening, spiritual practices, good picnics, temple visits, relaxed meditation, yoga [after DR's advice] etc.
6. Just talk to the child whatever good you feel by placing the right arm upon yr belly.
7. Introduce all family members through photos.
8. Ask your husband to spend some time before sleep to place his right arm and talk to the child.
9. Maintain your own time plan and it is being imbibed by the child.
10. If you want the child to be best in art, try to tell that to the child and do more art work.
11. Try to read Tamil and English if Malai too, so that chemistry of language development happens soon.
12. Listen to M.S.Subbulaxmi's Vishnu Sahasranama which has the energy to enhance the betterment of brain cell development. Can also listen to Skandha sasti kavajam which protects the growing infant from many unseen negative process. Sundara Kandam from Ramayana will strengthen child's skills, morality and intellect power to face tough timings in life. Parents of various religions are directed to practice with their respective spiritual path.
13. Before you do an action, just tell that to the child who can listen. ''Now amma is going to take bath and you will also enjoy the feeling ok''
14. MENTAL STRESS, FAMILY ISSUES - Just for the child's sake put them aside.
15. Good pictures, nature, talks, conversations all will be imbibed.
16. Every day before lamp say to the child that you have erased all his \ her sufferings, illness and waiting to see in a good time.
3. How to handle children below 6 years when they always trouble us?
Till the age of 6 the human child explores the whole living environment with all 5 sense organs. Especially they prefer to touch. They want to imbibe every action directly from adults. So even in speech they just imitate you. Please do not irritate. They are ready to do what we are prepared o do and interrupt us. Unless it is dangerous please allow them to do it. Instead of telling, ‘’no, don’t do, you can’t do that’’ make them to see how you do an action or handle an object. In our centers in past 7 years we have not seen any object including clay items, china clay things, glass wears being broken by very young children. This is because we assist them to handle. Till the age of 6 they have the great fancy and urge to explore and know about all things around them because they have imbibed a truth that ‘’TO BE AN ADULT I MUST KNOW HOW TO USE AND HANDLE ALL THINGS AND ENVIRONMENT AROUND ME’’. So it is better to allow them to perform all house hold work along with you. Try to provide their size vessels, tools so that they will start working. Till the age of 6 the human hands must be allowed to work. Chained hands in name of safety and love will make them depend upon us and their self-confidence also never evolves. Just give them some time and allow them to be on them. But do not expect immediate perfection in their action and work like us. They are caterpillars not adult butterflies.
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- May I know what type of apparatus/ education material should be provided to this age group of children?
Essential practical life activities: EPL
Allow the child from 8 months to handle anything which is harmless.
Their hands must hold and lift.
So the objects must be of their size but not toys.
Arrange a small corner for them in a room and give them a perfect arrangement where all their tools to play and work can be placed.
Allow them to work along with you in all places in and out of house. But first show them how to handle.
Allow them to use clay, sand, stones, soil with a beach set. Their imagination and creativity will improve.
They will develop good social, civics and communication skills.
But before giving any object to work or play give them the proper instructions and limits.
Allow them to wash little vessels, cloths, and mob, clean the floor, sweeping, dusting, arranging your shelf, displacing furniture etc
Include them in all activities.
Vegetable cutting, chappathy making etc make them to focus more.
Give a bowl of water with a drop of bubbling soap and they are allowed to smash and wash their palms which initiates many minute nerves.
Folding, ironing after very light warmth, drying all can be given.
Toys:
Avoid fancy toys.
Try to give doll house, good kitchen set, baby dolls of live size.
Any toy which can make them to observe, talk around it [a train with station setup, jumbo jet, ship]
Puppets
Stuff toys can be given but they cannot become their beloved sleeping pets.
Modern research has proved that brain is able to focus with more pattern based tools like building sets,building blocks, various size laggos, nut screw sets, puzzles. In India we get lot of wooden pattern based design making tools.
Art-Craft:
Allow for more scribbling, kolam [floral designs which makes large connections with brain cells] making with simple dots [we must guide them], using many molding shapes with artificial clay dough, painting, water coloring, crayons etc [allow with minimal choice of using colors], collage making, craft all can be done.
Allow for more walking, jumping, climbing and getting down steps, opening-closing activities.
Give more geometrical shapes for making patterns and allow them to trace and color.
Animal models makes the children to explore more.
Allow the child to explore many types of sound making objects, arrange a simple musical kit with various sound making tools.
Dr.Maria Montessori has suggested the following sensorial tools for the initiation of all senses before the age of 6:
These are costly. They have to be handled with learning because they are medically designed tools. They can be ordered from any Montessori education tool shops.
1. Pink tower
2. Cylindrical blocks - 4 sets with knobs
4. Colored cylinders
5. Threading pads
Children must be given chance to handle various vessels, objects with various traditions. Give them clay vessels, plastic, steel and glass wears also.
Allow them for more spooning and pouring actions.
All these settles their body energy and they get focused and get into awareness level to work and know the skill. They like to repeat always and never get bored. They do all these activities to understand the work pattern but not the output, so do not expect them perfection immediately. By all these their senses, motor skills, cognitive, analytical skills developed.
- Autism – tips for parents to handle:
Autism is being handled in various levels based on the medical diagnosis. It has its severity.
As a teacher who has handled many autistic children I am putting forth my suggestion what we do.
Try to first accept the issue and be ready to understand the needs of the child.
Focus upon the socialized and civics skills of the child first.
The child can mingle with the group but it takes a long time with continuous efforts from school and home.
In our Uni5 schools we have mixed age group where children of various ages are in one class which makes the way for more mingling, understanding and social skills.
Let the child gets independent from all domestic activities like brushing teeth till eating etc.
Try to round up a group of children with whom the child can mingle. Even they may have an acceptance with an adult. We can ask that adult to spend some time with the child.
Allow the child to participate in all house hold work with the child size tools from washing cloths till cleaning the car with you.
Just be behind their actions, but do not live in their place. Do not perform all actions in their placement.
Give freedom to move, act, talk, express, explore through five senses till it is not distracting others and harmless.
Autistic children show more interest in calculations, fine arts.
But you cannot make them immediately to sit in a painting class and learn.
Try to see the area of interest of the autistic child.
Every day when the child sleeps at night, hold the child's right hand or place your right hand upon his head and chant any name of the God. We chant Ram naama which brings more awareness.
Whenever the child is being distracted we can tell them to come and rest near us.
Mixed age group will do that work properly than adults.
Do not expect the autistic child to cope up with normal education immediately.
Talk very calmly to the child with more positiveness.
Prepare the child to face any new situation and allow to explore that situation.
If you feel your child cannot face that context and will distract, please avoid that, do not listen to the third person's comments.
At the same time do not show too much of attention upon the child's actions which will evolve as attention seeking behavior later.
For 41 days try to give the following oil bath.
1. Choose a good quality red soil or clay from any organic farm.
2. Make cricket ball size clay dough or soil dough. The child must be placed on a banana leaf if possible. Child's chest must be on floor.
3. Apply that at the back of the child specifically at the end of vertebral column.
5. After few minutes chant the naama and start smearing the dough across whole body and do massage.
6. Apply good quality of warm organic sesame oil from top to bottom all the child to rest for 20 minutes and give a good warm water soapless bath.
The child must be exposed to more nature, good music etc.
Talk with compassion and expression. Try to be firm when unacceptable actions are made, explain that and do not be angry or violent.
Use correct language at correct context and try to associate the objects of focus with the child.
It is also very very important to provide Dr.Montessori's sensorial tools to work [but they are costly].
Always have a physical touch and talk to the child and also you must have an eye contact.
All the house hold activities improves he child's focusing skills, hand-joint - motor skills, skill to do a work and settles the agitated physical and mental energy.
Puzzles, lagos [building sets], sand pit, clay work, art-painting, crafts can make the child's focus.
The mother must not do all these with a time concerned aim and cannot expect immediately the child will respond. It is like evolution. Among 100 activities one will sure make the child to get focused and do not expect and force the child.
If you are in India we welcome you to visit our Uni5 centers so that you can see the setup, because we cannot write all here.
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- Children talking unacceptable words [bad words] - How to handle?
It is a great stress for parents and teachers when they hear someone saying that the child uses abusive, unacceptable words.
Immediately parents react saying that they never use at home and blame someone in surrounding or van children or others.
It is a bitter truth that we need to accept we have not used the same words but used some other words out of stress at home without awareness in presence of children.
Even low level voice uttering of such words is enough for the child to grasp as their ear sense is very sharp.
It is also true that the child grasp such words from others.
The must have seen a parent in neighborhood , friends, teachers etc.
Children use the abusive words when they are stressed and they want to show their defense against any un liking issues.
They interpret that by using such words they have grown.
They interpret that by using such words they can tame or control others.
They have an inner enjoyment that we respond to them.
Some children have revenged their adults by suing such terms also.
Till the age of 6 the child just grasp and does not know it is good or bad and use the language.
So we must be very aware in our own language.
By 6 years when you oppose and check them they are quiet enough to say, ''Dad or mom used, why cannot me?''
Till the age of 6 their brain cannot clearly differentiate good and bad and they just do what the group of their age and adults around them do.
We say, ''This word cannot be used and you can be supplied with a word to express your anger''
We put a tree [chart cutout] in hall and fill the unacceptable words used by kids and they have to to us saying tat in various contexts of stress they need to verbalize a different words and we also supply that word.
Ex: vaa yai mood [shut up] is unacceptable and we say ''please lock your mouth'' or even by action children have learned to convey that.
In worst cases we make them to brush their mouth.
Children bring always complaints about others telling that they have used a 4 letter word and they like to verbalize that. Better not appreciate that context, just say ''I will see to it''
In higher level we talk about energy concept.
When sound energy is not used well and misused health will be spoiled and thought process will be blocked.
We can also make a small corner call stress free corner with a smiling face where children can go and sit or stand conveying that they have a stress and they wish to express. This has made even adults to reduce the negative thoughts, filthy words and stress at home.
When we feel our children using bad words, we call and firmly say, ''In our home we do not want a child using this word'' and just give certain things which they like.
Do not respond to them and oppose them verbally, but just stop talking to them for a time being.
In higher age levels we can talk about the words and personality which we can discuss later.
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- What are the factors which makes a child to get stressed at family situation?
- Parental conflicts for any silly – serious reasons before the child.
- Verbal, physical abuses of parents, family members to each other.
- Verbal, physical abuses of parents, family upon the child.
- Unwanted silly strict handlings of the adults.
- Very harsh verbal abusive languages before others.
- Ill-treating the child or an adult beloved to the child at public or others.
- Talking ill about the child and adult beloved to the child.
- Talking certain facts about the family issues before all.
- Talking ill about the child in presence of others especially strangers and in absence of the child.
- Sickness of parents, adults at home.
- Pinpointing the child and making fun, teasing for silly or serious reasons and for parental attitude.
- Branding the child in the name of parental issues, family matters, education, skills, physical appearance etc.
- Comparing the child with siblings and other relative children directly regarding studies, skills etc.
- Excluding the child in family gatherings, good occasions etc.
- Separation of parents because of work, transfer, broken relations, death.
- Broken wedding, death will cause a major damage within the child.
- Death and separation of any good beloved adult of the family upsets the child.
- When we do not consider the child’s important needs, school issues, peer pressure issues, sibling issues the child will be stressed.
- When we do not consider the child’s physical fitness also it stresses the child.
- Silly comparison and praising of siblings.
- Sibling arrival to the family must be well informed and the child must be mentally well prepared.
- Unacceptable behavior issues of parents.
- Parents’ attitude in public, family matters.
- Unnecessary threats from the family, adults.
- Black mailing by parents for their issues.
- Sharing unwanted information [not age appropriated] with the child.
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8. What are the factors which stresses a child in class room?
1. Peer pressure - it will be discussed in detail.
2. Attitude of teachers.- will be discussed separately
3. Sudden change in section for various reasons.
4. In the beginning of new academic year some children are unable to accept the fresh class for some time.
5. Change in standards and change in teachers who were handling for long time.
6. Class room setup.
7. Place where the child sits.
8. Bulling by friends and teachers.
9. Ragging by class mates.
10. Angle of the black boards, charts.
11. Noise level of class mates.
12. Time interval given for board copying.
13. Concepts not reaching the child by teacher.
14. New arrival of new friends.
15. Sudden situation in which a or many friends neglecting or leaving school or shifting to another class.
16. Children carry home stress to school.
17. sickness, un cared by parents, fear for punishments, comparison, fear for not completing the work, doing tests well, fear for subject in person.
18. Parents not giving enough food, not allowing for enough sleep, incomplete work, exams, unnecessary fear for exams.
19. Pressure also from sports.
20. Physical fitness.
21. Not allowed for restroom when required.
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- What happens when parents neglect the child and give worst punishments?
Please do not threat your child or handle with violence please. But the child must be made to feel that parents are having the right to say what is right and what is wrong.
Do not threat in any way from very young age.
Instead of that try to make them to known and accept the consequence of their actions.
Cause and effect theory is very important in handling unacceptable actions.
What will happen if you go on handle them with corporal harsh violence punishments?
I am sharing my own experience just happened last week in a suburban school with grade 5 child.
This child has many psychological issues.
This child is being neglected by the parents as they hold the leading posts in Government.
The child is just left at home with a driver and small brother in pre-school level.
For this child the little brother is the whole world.
For any thing the parents handle in worst way.
Than that the child is exposed to the parents' situation when they take worst decisions with people who did mistakes in various issues.
Last week when I was giving the dictation in the class this child alone was playing with the pen and poring the ink drops on the note book.
I just gave a warning and continued and again the child was doing the same.
I just went nearby and took away the note and said, ''Please see how you have damaged the writing book, better ask your father to collect it and replace with neat sheets''
Immediately the child became angry, raised from the bench and took away the scale and shouted,
''Hey sir, if you don't give back my note book I will make my mother to threat you with police or rowdies''
I sensed the context and calmly said, ''do you think what you have done is write to the note?''
Child, ''No, I am sorry!''
I, ''OK, but you you need to get back from the coordinator after class''
Child again with rough anger, ''Hey, if you do not give back and hand over to my parents I will beat you. I hate every one. I also neglect my coordinator as she always have meetings with my parents and they punish me in worst way, I hate all of you...''
Immediately I asked another child to call the coordinator and came of the class and they calmed down the child.
Counselor says, ''please do not talk about the parents as they have handled the child in worst way even for any simple issues. The parents are not ready to give up or sacrifice their post and pride and the child is undergoing the inner damage, we must be assisting the child to face any thing boldly''
Please think......
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- What are the most important aspects has to be focused by parents and teachers at the age of 0 months to 6 years?
1. Give enough work to hands and brain.
2. Do not stop any thing unless it is dangerous.
3. Expose to nature.
4. Give correct language.
5. Can introduce 6 languages.
6. Allow the child to explore through senses and talk around it.
7. Encourage more conversation and social skills.
8. Perform all actions perfectly before them and they learn by imitation.
9. Give chance for more imagination and talk.
10. Start introducing more civics sense.
- Issues that CAN be within your child.....part 1
The following articles will discuss various issues which can be within a child of any age in schooling.The article does not pin point any one in person and it is being written after a long research experience. [But this article does not support peer pressure issues out of luxury]
1. The child can feel bad about the way his uniform and shoes has been maintained.
2. Bags, boxes, lunch cases, water bottles
3. Quality of food, snacks, dresses on Saturdays [color dresses]
4. Parents forgot and refuse to get stationary things for proper reason at right time.
5. Parents not supporting to get ready for the school by time.
6. Parents coming in bad looking smartness before the teachers and friends. [Mothers coming in night dress - example]
7. Parents always making the grandparents and maids to take of the child.
8. Very special things which has o be shared are not being listened by parents.
9. Parents talking ill about child's friends and teachers.
10. Morning conflict among adults at home, parents not dropping at right time, paying fine, having clash with school people.
will grow......
Sample:
Last week a 9th student was left 10 minutes late at school and she was sent back home. She missed her test and a magic show which has pulled her down and she did not respond to next day's work properly. Father just left to office but the student has taken a deep impact of the effect of sending back home. The father was informed several times about this. He has his own way of timing....Please think!
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- Parents! Please pay the school payments at right time…
Please pay the school fees, van fees, outside trip fees to your child in given date.
If you are pending it is upsetting the child and somehow other children make fun on the child's family.
This creates lot of issues within the child.
This is being taken o study side and the child is not doing well.
Please give enough information to the child and school when there is a delay.
Please inform your child if you are delaying in your payment.
Consequences given to the child whether violently or in smooth way are dangerous for child psychology.
please do not always say that your child is not doing the best for the fees which you are paying.
Please do not put off the teachers, school management for the above said reason.
As we said earlier there are 100s of reasons for a child for lagging behind in studies.
Just by paying a good fees and putting your child in a good school education does not come.
When you talk ill about the school, fees, teaching the child take advantage over it in many ways.
This leads to many behavior issues.
Example: 15 years back when I worked in a very big school, a teacher was commented by a student when she checked his marks as follows:
''Mam, please see to your own way. I am paying, you are teaching. I can have a private tuition outside. Do not ask questions''
Do not let down your child getting pinpointed for the delay in any school payment.
Recently a child has been stopped writing his checkpoint exams because the father has not paid the 2 terms fees.
But the same father spends much for other expenses and child got confused. His friends said, ''why cannot you stop purchasing very expensive novels for reading, save the money and pay the fees'' - This truth is being taken very badly by the teen age child.
So be punctual in your payment.
With regards,
Dr.Madeswaran.M
Madras, March 14, 2015
[With this week cycle one session over]
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